she smelled like a LAN party
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
there is glitter all over my balls
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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