have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
