Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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