9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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