Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
