He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
