So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
