Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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