i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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