walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
