i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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