I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
