i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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