I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
