White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
