i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
