There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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