Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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