so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
