Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize