just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
YAS. BRING CRAB.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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