did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
