I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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