A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
