moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
