sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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