i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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