It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
