sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
