Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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