I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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