I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
