So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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