I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
