it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
