The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
no. you can't hotbox the world.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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