I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
