Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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