I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Randomize
