Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
