I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
