I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How many fucks given?
0.12846
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
