i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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