In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
