Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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