At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
