i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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