I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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