And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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