He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
