Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
