The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
