do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
