Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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