Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
