Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
