6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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