Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
organizing the empties. That sober.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There's always time for handjobs
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Randomize
