What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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