Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
