I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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