I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize