do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
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I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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