you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hippo gnu deer
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
