Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
