Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think people are normalizing furries
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
