1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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