Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
