dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
