I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
