My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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