YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
