I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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