she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
